What I have learned!

I keep thinking of all that I have learned this past year and felt that I needed to write some of it down, so here goes!

I have learned that we all have things that are hard in this life, but there is a point where it becomes extremely overwhelming and that is when the Heavens open up and they wrap you in their arms and they lift you up and help you through it! I learned that we have many, many loved ones on the other side praying for us and that they come together to help us here on earth when things get to the point where we can't handle it alone. I know that Heavenly Father wants to help us and there is a point where our minds are in a state where He can communicate with us. I now know what shock feels like and that combined with being extremely humbled and realizing that my time here on earth could be up any minute brought me to a state where He was able to communicate to me. It felt wonderful!! I feel like I have moved past that state and now the Heavens have lifted back up. I know the Heavens are always open, but this was different and I am not exactly sure how to explain it, but it was more powerful than anything I have ever felt.

I know for certain that Heavenly Father works through others to let us know that he is thinking of us. I can't even tell you how many times I have had someone call or come to the door right after I was having an extremely hard time and I knew without a doubt that it was His way of letting me know that He was there and that He cared. Amy B, Sister Ockey and Lori I cannot in any way express what your friendship has done for me. You have been a constant for me this whole time, and I know without any doubt that you are truly gifts from God!! All the comments from my blog and facebook have really kept me going. Knowing that people care is huge!! I have even thought about the time that Dave and I had someone (to this day we have no idea who) pay for our dinner at Red Robin. There is no doubt in my mind that Heavenly Father knew that something huge was coming in to our lives and He was just letting us know that someone cared. I will never forget Amy telling me that she saw me one day and felt a very strong feeling that she needed to come give me a hug, I think we both felt the power of that experience even though it was a few days later that I got that hug. ;) That is how Heavenly Father works and I just hope and pray that we will listen so that we can be there for when He needs us!

I know that prayers are answered, but in Heavenly Fathers way and not our own. I know that faith can help you through anything, and that anything is possible!

I know for certain that there are wonderful doctors and medical professionals out there who work very hard to help us out. I also know that if they choose, they can definitely have the spirit of God to guide them in helping patients. I know that I was guided to my doctors and I am forever grateful. I have been told over and over to trust them and I do!

I have learned that this experience has been more for Dave and I than for my children. Of course I know that they will always remember this and it will be part of their lives, but I think they will learn more as they grow older. Right now the growth that I have seen and experienced has been for myself and Dave. I am grateful for it, because it is bringing Dave and I closer to becoming ONE, which is definitely where we want to be. When I got diagnosed a year ago, its seems to me that all hell broke lose! Two of my closest friends at the time moved away. Some of my friends just kind of slipped away from me ( I am learning that some people have a hard time seeing loved ones so sick and its hard for them to come around you) My sweet neighbors left and I was really feeling abandoned and wondering why, why when I need them! Well, I now know the answer to that. I needed to rely solely on my husband and not on girlfriends. This experience was for Dave and I! I don't think this experience would have been the same otherwise!

I have always known that Dave cares for me, but now I know what true love really feels like. Dave has shown me so much love and compassion through this whole journey. He has never once shown me that the physical body matters. He has loved me through this whole journey, and when you have that kind of love, YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING!

I have learned what true beauty is. Its not hair and its not having all your body parts. Its your spirit! Your body is just to help you portray what you have on the inside. I really hate the fact that I still have to deal with the natural man. I know what true beauty is, yet I still have the desires to look good and have nice hair. Granted we are suppose to take care of our bodies and look nice, but we don't have to obsess about it and go overboard. Losing my hair was one of those nightmares that I hoped to never have to face. Well I faced it and in my mind I WON!!

I have learned that I am incredibly strong. Its amazing to me what your body can handle and boy its painful! Granted I am completely burnt out, but I am still going. I am slowly putting one foot in front of the other (that is literally how I am feeling right now)and its hard, but I have Dave pushing me(for the most part gently;))from behind telling me to keep going and to not stop. Oh, its hard. I want to lay down and have everything just stop so that I can get my bearings again, but thats not how life works, especially with 3 kids. I seriously don't know how I make it through some days. I just know that Heavenly Father is still helping me, because there is absolutely no way I am doing this on my own.