I don't think that I can fully express in words my feelings from yesterday, but here is my attempt:
I was the recipient of the perfect smile. A smile that says "I love you". A smile that says "to me you are perfect". A smile that says "it doesn't matter to me what you look like or if you are missing anything". It was a smile that expressed the TRUE LOVE of a husband to his wife. It was given in the vulnerability of the moment and could not have been given any more perfectly. Dave I don't think you have any idea how much that meant to me or the perfect way that it was given, but I have never felt so lifted up in my entire life...thank you!
Yesterday was the day that I had to give up my hair.
For the last few days, I had been shedding like crazy, you touch my hair and 100 strands would come out. It was not fun, something I knew that was coming, but was something that was so dreaded. It was hard, but I made it through it (albeit sobbing at certain moments). I was really trying to prepare myself, but how in the world do you do that?! I am not prepared for any of this! How can anyone be?! Bailee was expressing these same thoughts to Dave and I last night. That she can't handle this and she is not ready for this! None of us are! But we deal with it ONE step at a time and ONE day at a time.
Thank you to my support group yesterday, Shawna, Elisha and Wendy. I know you were trying your hardest to help me through this and to know what to say. I can only imagine how hard this was for you to watch. To Shawna, I know this is a first for you, and I am sorry that I am putting you through this, I know its hard, but I really needed you to do this for me. I can't even imagine what it was like for you! I know you are a very strong person, but I can imagine you needing a few moments after I left. And that's okay!!!! I love you all so much, this meant the world to me, I cannot do this alone!!! Noone can!
Today I feel alot better, just getting it over with helps alot. Alysa and Donovan like to rub my head and Bailee just tells me how weird it looks. I agree with her. This is weird, its different. But it is the reality.
6 comments:
So glad that you had that support surrounding you and that you received that PERFECT SMILE. You said it perfectly- nobody is ready for this- you can't be- and you have to take it one day at a time. <3
Sorry you have to go through this. I'm crying with you...
Melynda Bowcutt Lewis
I bet your beautiful-really I do. :)
Dear dear Kelly, you are in our thoughts and prayers. You are very blessed to have Dave. Gubler husbands are so awesome. They know how to work and take care of their wives. They are loyal and loving. I'm happy he knew what you needed at the moment. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I bet you'll love your cute new wig. You should post a picture so we can see how beautiful you look in it. Wish we were close enough to do something to help you. all our love to you, Jude and Earl
You are lucky to have all your friends around you through that. I don't think anyone can physically prepare for something of that caliber. I am sure you are just as beautiful. No one will even notice once they see your beautiful face. Keep up the good attitude. My prayers are with you.
Kellie you are in our prayers and again I`m amazed about you strength and how well you deal with that NEW and NEVER before experienced situation.
Halte durch!!
Kerstina
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