Getting Through This!

So I have been trying to figure how much I can get prepared for this journey. I am really having to take things just one day at a time. Just trying to remember times for my tests and procedures and learning things along the way. It is very overwhelming at times, even though I am not feeling so nervous or in a state of shock like I was at the very beginning.

If this tells you anything, for those of you who know that I am always reading a book, I have not been able to sit down and concentrate enough to just let my mind get away and in to a story. It has been really hard. But I guess that tells you how much something like this can effect you.

So in preparation I have been finding some cute scarfs and pajama bottoms. We went wig shopping last saturday. I was a little worried at first, but then I found "the one" as soon as I put it on. I just felt relief like, I can do this!!! I know its crazy worrying about my hair, but to me it is a big deal. Today I am feeling like I am closer to being okay with shaving it off than I was a week ago. I know I am going to learn alot just from this part of it. I went with Bailee, Courtney and Wendy. The girls had fun trying on purple and green wigs, sooo cute!

Yesterday I went in for an MRI, I just kept thinking the procedures are all going to get more complicated and scary as we move forward. And the first one I am scared about is going to happen this afternoon. I am going into same day surgery to get a port placed in my chest. I am only allowed to use my left arm for needles, etc. so I figured that my right arm would be completely shot by the time this is over with so why not just do the port and make it easier. So that's what we are doing.

Dave took this week off to be with me for the beginning of all this. I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH!!! I don't know what I would do if he wasn't with me. He has been researching all the terms and medicines and procedures trying to understand them all. He still loves giving me a hard time about everything, but I am taking that as the shock has now worn off and we are back to reality and lets get going on what we need to do.

The kids are incredible!! We are trying to be positive about all of this and I really feel that the kids are feeling that positiveness. Alysa has been telling everyone (when I cry) that "her okay!" Donovan has been giving me lots of loves and asking "so is the love working and taking it all away?" and I tell him that it is the best thing ever!!! Bailee is wanting to tell everyone she meets that her mom has breast cancer, but she'll be okay! That is our motto for the moment "we'll be okay".

The spirit has been SOOO STRONG! It is AWESOME!! I love being this close to Heavenly Father. To knowing exactly what I need to be doing and being guided in small things that I know I need to do for others, to let them know that everything will be alright! I hope that everyone realizes that YES this is going to be VERY,VERY HARD, but that's okay! That's how we grow and come closer to reaching our full potential. That's how we become perfected!! I just keep trying to think about how I will be a better person after this is all over with. Now I know that I will still be far from perfect, but I will be a little closer!! ;) And that is definitely something to look forward to!