Let's keep talking...

You know, this is the first time that I can honestly say that I have been completely blindsided by life. Perspective can change but it can also just become a lot more clear. I am seeing things in a very different light then I was a week ago. I have been in complete shock all weekend and anyone who has had contact with me in the past few days, just know that what I am about to tell you will make sense to you now that I am telling.

It has all happened so fast that I am trying to take it all in.

Today I was diagnosed with BREAST CANCER.

It feels so insane that it has to do with me.

A year and a half ago, I started feeling a lot of pain in my left breast, so I went in to my OB. They did an ultrasound and it came back normal. Well, the pain has continued, but a month or so ago, I noticed it getting bigger, hurting more and getting harder. It wasn't feeling right, so I made another appt. My appt. was last monday, April 19th. She sent me downstairs to a general surgeon who deals with breasts and who also has an ultrasound and biopsy machine.

When my surgeon walked in we talked about how pain is a normal woman thing, but just not talked about very much. So I told her that sounded great! Well, she said lets take a look at it with the ultrasound and just see what is happening. As soon as she put the wand (or whatever that is called) on she said, well, let me compare and show you both sides so that you can see the difference. They both looked completely different. I could tell her attitude had completely refocused and we now were talking about how NOT normal this was and that we needed to find a diagnosis because there was something going on here.

The next day I went back for a biopsy (they fit me in during their lunch). Oh, that was not fun, but needed to be done. They told me 5-7 days for the results. I can honestly tell you it was the worst weekend of my entire life. I couldn't stop shaking, I couldn't think clearly and I had to go to the bathroom 20 times a day. My nerves were completely out of control. I was trying to keep busy. Trying to just do our normal routine. Elisha and Wendy (thank you, thank you, thank you) knew I needed a distraction, so we did a girls night! I could feel something flowing through me constantly and right now I know that it was LOVE from my Father and Mother in Heaven.

I knew it was cancer. You just know. Dave and my Dad gave me a blessing and confirmed what I thought. But also gave me the peace that I now feel. I KNOW that I am going to be okay! I KNOW that I will be around to raise my babies. I am going to FIGHT like crazy, I am NOT going anywhere!

I am also scared to death! But I KNOW that this is something that I need, that my family needs and boy are we going to grow ALOT!

I want everyone of you to know that I want to make this as positive an experience as possible. I want to be able to talk about it. If you know me, then you know that I cannot hold things in, I have to talk about life and what is going on. And just think, I am going to have a whole new body when this is over with. It's not everyday that you get to choose your cup size! :) I am going to blog my updates. I know that doing this will be therapy for me.

Please know that you are welcome to come and talk to me, to come and hug me (I could use a lot of that right now) and even cry with me. Ask me questions and let me know what you are thinking. I welcome it all.

I know that everyone is wanting to help and I welcome the help. I am trying to figure it all out and when I know I will let you know. But also, please trust your own intuitions, maybe you will know how to help me more than I will know.

I go into my oncologist on thursday. I know that I have to have some more tests done to determine what exactly it is and how to treat it. So when I know more, you will know!

I love you all and I want you to know that I will be okay. That we are going to learn and grow and be better people because of this!!!